be nice

I was at the store. trying to find something nice to wear to a wedding this weekend (and also for sunday).  I was annoyed at the one saleslady (leave me alone, I just want to look myself. I don't want your suggestions of hideous prints, etc). I was shut off.

Once I find something (score!), I go to the register. This lady is trying to be nice. She's asking about my pregnancy. I'm kinda being a jerk. Short responses. I'd had awful interactions during my errands all day and I was annoyed in general about strangers asking me personal questions.

but then....

she quietly asked----

can you tell me what it is like, to be pregnant and have a baby? I wasn't able to have children and I've always wanted them and I just want to know.

and it pricked my cold, awful heart. and reminded me of the privilege and earning I have done to have the knowledge and experiences with birth and children that I have had. My mindsets aren't the norm.

and I talked, and told her, about the beauty of birth. and how it isn't scary but glorious and that we were created for it.

It was a blessing. It healed the crappy interactions I had that day. Replaced them with the ability to be open with a stranger instead of having openness demanded of me. Reminded me of this experience. I'm grateful.

today

i was at the library, the last of the errands. it wasn't too busy. i kept running into this lady, or my kids kept running into her, and i was starting to get embarassed because today was not a good mom day. it was a, i'm never a good mom, i'm so exhausted, why can't i be more than i am, kind of day....

well, as we walked out of the library, and i had to use a loud, firm mom voice to tell W not to walk out the door until we could go together, and as i held his hand and started a little discussion on reasons why we should stay together in public (which he normally doesn't have a problem with but it kept happening all over the place today. bottled energy, i don't know, but i just can't move that fast and it scared me how quickly he'd go on ahead)... anyway, this same lady walks out behind me...

and she whispers,
you are a really good mom.
i enjoyed watching you with your children.

And i cried. literally. right there. tears welled up. and i thanked her.

i needed it. so much.

be nice to someone today. they probably need it, too.

crossed paths with an angel

Monday.

went to the chiropractor for the first time.
decided i deserved to imbibe a jamba juice. (bc i was courageous, obviously)
walked in, couldn't decide.
was chatted up by a well-dressed matron (because my round big-ol'-belly says, "TALK TO ME."
she was sitting there patiently waiting for her order, hands on her black purse that was laid on the table. she was wearing a eggplant colored turtleneck with a matching cardigan and a beautiful cross.
i knew i was supposed to stay and talk to her.
she looked so eager.
got her order before i had even made up my mind.
oatmeal and a berry something.
i got a humongous berry something (not a good choice, whatever i did pick) and a asiago pretzel.
asked if she was staying to eat.
she said yes.
so i sat.




and we talked for 45 minutes.
she told me about her births,
her children,
her first husband (who died),
her worries for her grandchildren.
Books and God and my life
and photography
and this baby coming
and wallace's birth.
and oh, so much about breastfeeding.
she did it when it was unpopular.
we talked about how beautiful it is, so serene and fulfilling.

she told me i was wonderful.
that this baby is lucky to have me as a mom.
that the birth will go well
and that God is proud of me.

who knew i was the one who needed our conversation? we didn't exchange info other than our first names but i will never ever forget her. like a personal guardian angel sent to buoy me up a little and calm my subconscious about this baby, my life, my work and my place as a daughter. dear lady, whoever and wherever you are, thank you ten-fold.